If only I knew which lunch tray was hers...

Allie goes through stages where she'll buy lunch a lot, then she'll bring it for a while again.  This note was written during one of her buying stages where she had bought a lot in previous days:

Not trying to make her feel guilty for buying or anything, but she is missing out on the notes her sister is getting.  As the title says, if only I knew which lunch tray she'd be using...I could come to school and tape the note to the bottom or something!  That's not over the top is it?

"Gator" is not Allie's last name

Last names can be funny if paired with the right first name.  Unfortunately, most parents don't have the guts to be creative like this.  (And children appreciate it!)

That would be funny, but it would never be funny to the kid being made fun of relentlessly.  Except maybe for those who thrive on attention.

I always wanted to have twins and name them Pete and Repete.  Yeah, I think I have some lunch notes about twins somewhere...

Shamrock fever

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day...so in that spirit here's what my girls received in their lunches.

I forgot to ask them if it's still a practice in grade school to pinch someone if they're not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day.  I clearly remember that from my youth, but I don't think I ever got pinched.  By the way...pinching hurts!  That's why you'll never catch me saying - "Am I dreaming?  Somebody pinch me!".  I'll substitute other words for pinch though.  Like kiss, for example.  But only in certain company of course!

Don't ask me how I got off on that tangent!

Hope they use a net!

There are many situations where certain bodily functions just aren't appropriate.  Unfortunately, some of those functions are hard to control.

This is a case where having pepper around is a really bad idea!

Anatomy of a lunch note

I've said it before and I'll say it again - life is quirky.  Take the human body for example.

Why is the heart in your chest called a heart if it's not shaped like a heart?  

And why is the heart shape we're familiar with not shaped like an oblong organ with tubes sticking out of it?  I mean come on, obviously the human heart came before someone thought to write down the heart shape...

Maybe I'll write Ann & Nancy Wilson and get their opinion on this issue...

Food for thought

The English language is funny, and lots of short words are part of big words that are not related.  Which makes for good and silly questions to ask on lunch notes.

Well...I do sit on Saturdays a lot.  And I bet lots of people do get married on Wednesday...in Vegas!

And it always frustrates me when Sundays aren't full of SUN!

Bogeys & birdies & eagles, oh my!

This was another example of a note that I realized had sort of a double meaning after the fact.

Since 'club' is underlined I was emphasizing to my girls that it relates to a golf club.  But now I realize that plenty of golf balls do live in clubhouses on golf courses around the country...but my girls probably don't know that those places on golf courses and in country clubs are called 'clubhouses'.

I'm just too clever for my own good.

But how would they calculate 15% ?

My daughter put a quarter in her lunch box because she wanted to have it with her in the cafeteria as a reminder to buy the school paper during lunch.  She explained this to me and asked me to please leave it in there.  I told her I was disappointed because I assumed it was a tip!  That prompted this lunch note the next day:

Obviously not necessary, but funny to think about anyway.  I don't miss those college days as a waiter, but it was great always having cash on hand.  Even if it was lots and lots of ones!

Porky the lunch note

So clouds high in the air are not called fog, but clouds close to the ground are named as such.  I never think of being in fog as being in the middle of clouds, but they are essentially the same thing.  Fluffy white clouds in the sky must be quite a bit denser than fog though, because even in thick fog the area right around you always seems clear.  But in a plane passing through clouds the cotton seems to be right outside your window.

I'd hate to be a hog on a farm in thick fog.  Hard to see the twisters coming!    ;-)

Know your audience

There are some jokes that just seem to float around the collective consciousness and come out in various forms from time to time.  I can't take first claim to either of these jokes...though I did make them up as I wrote.  Simple jokes are like that!

And I do keep them simple because I know my audience well.  In this case, elementary school age girls.  They try to figure out the punchline on their own sometimes which is fun.  When my sons get old enough for lunch notes I'll have to start gearing them toward a more masculine audience which will be cool - if the boys are as receptive to notes as their sisters...

Wow.  I'll be writing lunch notes for a...long...time!

Counterfeit lunch notes

It occurred to me after I wrote this lunch note that it has a double meaning my girls probably won't get...

"Funny money", while being cute and rhymey in this note, is also a slang term for counterfeit money.  Fake dough.  Invalid currency.  Monopoly cash.  But my girls most likely have never heard that term, and maybe aren't even aware that counterfeit money even exists.  So is this man laughing because the money is funny in a jokester way, or is he laughing because he has a bunch of fake money he is about to use to try to buy things?

Since the first rule of lunch notes is no insinuations of criminal activity allowed, I think we know the answer to that question.